im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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