cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
