This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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