Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
