I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
