Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
