I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
