...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
