Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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