I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
