we're blogging at a bar
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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