So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
