You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
And then my night got REAL pukey
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
