she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize