It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
