I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
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Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
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So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize