Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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