she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
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dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
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Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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