Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
