Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm really busy with my period
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