My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
