you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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