WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Randomize
