What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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