Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
