Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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