i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
