my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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