Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
