Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
