Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
