Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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