you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
