Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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