Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
