I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
