She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize