I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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