Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Sorry my hands just texted you
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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