Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
