If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Boobs speak an international language.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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