pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
