like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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