A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
