you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
