i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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