Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
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I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
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Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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