sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
