I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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