goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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