I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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