I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
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I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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