apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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