where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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