Yo dont text me then not text me
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
