I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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