I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
