I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We need a shit load of segways right now
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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