ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
