i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
