my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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