So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
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Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
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I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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