Duck Duck Cougar?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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