I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
