Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize