I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
